St. Patrick's Day Showdown

So I was in the Diner eating their delicious waffles when I heard something that chilled me to the bone.

Waitress: What did you say you wanted sir?

Ah said Ah wanted Lucky Charms lassie. Is that so hard to understand?

Waitress: But it's 5P.M. ...

Do Ah look like Ah care?

Waitress: No...

Then get me mah Lucky Charms!

I slowly turned my head to see this:
IT WAS A LEPRECHAUN!!!

Evil Green Monster: Eh! What-er you lookin' et!?

Me: A leprechaun!

Evil Green Monster: What! How did je kno- er, you're wrong!

Me: We shall see little green one. We shall see.

I had totally forgot what day it was, it was St. Patrick's day! The day that leprechauns walk the streets with impunity and fear no man in their strange get-ups. Well, I was going to change that.

Unfortunately I didn't have any of my weapons from back home so I had to improvise. I snuck into the back room of the kitchen when no one was looking (They should really improve security around here, someone could sneak in and kill one of the waitresses). I grabbed what I thought could be of some use to me, some knives, a box of Lucky Charms, an Uzi (WTF is that doing in a diner?), some whiskey, and the rice cooker. Then I began to plot.

Later that night my trap was set and the target was on the move. As usual it was headed toward the nearest bar in search of some booze. Thats when it saw my cleverly placed whiskey bottle, and he drank it all on the spot! Damn he was good, he might have even been able to out-drink Svetlana! After he finished his booze with a belch he saw my trail of Lucky Charms, the little buggers can't resist the stuff and he was no exception, following my trail of Charms into a nearby park where the only witnesses would be drunken teenagers, and who believes them?

When he reached the end of my trail I jumped out of the bushes:
Ah ha! I've got you, you little monster!

Evil Green Monster: Ye made a huge mistake boyo. Ah've got yoo!

Then his two leprechaun buddies jumped out of the darkness!

All three of the little buggers jumped me! But I wouldn't go down so easily. I thrashed around wildly, eventually throwing them all off, then I grabbed the knives and the bald leprechaun and stuck him to a tree like a serial killer sporks scientists to a ceiling and zapped him with my electrical powers. As I was turning to face the remaining two munchkins I was bowled over! It was the fat one, while I was down the little bugger tried to do the deadliest thing he could do, sit on me! I rolled out of the way just in time and grabbed the Uzi so I could pump the fat leprechaun full of lead. However, in the process I ran out of all my bullets, and I think that in my over-exuberance the knives had kind of melted into the tree along with the other leprechaun.

Evil Green Monster: Looks 'ike ou're all oot of weapons laddie.

Me: Oh really?

He attacked me with one of his own knives swinging left and right while I dashed back into the bushes with the leprechaun in hot pursuit.

Evil Green Monster: Oy! Where'd ye go!?!

Just then I dashed into him and tripped him over onto the rice cooker, it wasn't quite big enough for him but with enough forcing I was able to get it closed. Then I turned it on high and enjoyed the sweet, sweet feeling of success as I buried the bodies.